new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
