so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
