New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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