New low: just hacked my moms facebook
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Actions speak louder than pants.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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