Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
