We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
