Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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