it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
