similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think people are normalizing furries
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
