Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you win again, gameday.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
