where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize