i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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