pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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