part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
