I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
