Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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