ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
