Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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