why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
