Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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