new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
