Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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