FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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