I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize