You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
