...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
