it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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