eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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