The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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