I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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