Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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