If that was your dad, he is hot
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
