I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
