Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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