You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
