so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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