On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
