i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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