I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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