when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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