Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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