It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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