I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
