So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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