is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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