Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
