Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
