every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Sober January is a disaster.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
