naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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