It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
