So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
