He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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