Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
