You're completely useless in the revolution.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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