Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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