Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
