dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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