god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
