Just fell off a train. Bad.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
