I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
