sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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