can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
