I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
