so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize