We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
