Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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