So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
