the condom got lost in my hair
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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