yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
