a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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