I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
