Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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