Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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