im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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