She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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