I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
